so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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