So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
