I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
