Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize