So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
