Buhtt sex?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
