I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
