You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
