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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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