Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
