the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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