you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
