you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
