9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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