someone get that fucking seahorse.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
