I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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