I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
