they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
