Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize