just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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