chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
