someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
