8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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