Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just had sex bonerless
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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