Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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