It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
