Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
