i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
