Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
