I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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