you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
