wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
