So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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