I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
