Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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