if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
