He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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