Kareoke will never be a sober sport
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize