I'm so fucking centered right now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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