Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I bet he comes in French.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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