I look better un-naked...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
