So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
