I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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