All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
