Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
