I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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