I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Found the puke drawer
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
