I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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