This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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