I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
