fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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