he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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