is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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