I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
