how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
