Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
