So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
