hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
