I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
