Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
