I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
