who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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