If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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