I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
