I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
