I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
