....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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