Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
